why does work drain me more than my colleagues?

but add the driving in between. the cognitive, mental and physical energy each session takes. the admin afterwards. the emails, the invoices, and everything else that comes with running a business. suddenly it's a lot.

my evenings on those days look the same. a pre-made dinner. a TV show on. lights low. no demands. and quite often, the dishes left in the sink until morning.

so if you've ever wondered why the same workload seems to flatten you more than everyone else ... you're not imagining it.

we're doing two jobs

there's the job on the position description. and then there's the one nobody sees ... the work of fitting in while we do it.

that second job doesn't show up in our hours. but it uses the same tank.

what the second job looks like

the social layer. small talk in the kitchen. the "how was your weekend?" we rehearsed on the way in. laughing at the right moment in the meeting.

decoding. what did that email actually mean? was "per my last email" a dig? why did the manager say "let's chat" and nothing else?

the senses. open-plan noise. someone's lunch. the overhead lights. the phone ringing two desks over. all filtered, all day.

holding it together. sitting still when we want to move. looking focused when our brain has wandered. keeping our face neutral.

switching. meeting, email, a quick question, back to the task, another meeting. every switch costs something.

it's not that we can't do the job. it's that we're doing the job and a second one nobody can see.

why it builds up

one day like this is tiring. five in a row, with no proper recovery in between, is how burnout starts.

weekends turn into recovery time instead of life. and if the recovery isn't enough, Monday starts lower than last Monday.

what can help

find where the energy goes. not "work is tiring" ... but which bits. the commute? the 9am stand-up? the kitchen? once we can see it, we can change it.

cut the hidden costs first. headphones. a seat away from the door. a walk alone at lunch. camera off when we can.

ask for clarity. "can you tell me what you need by Friday?" saves an afternoon of decoding.

think about adjustments. written agendas, quieter spaces, flexible hours. lots of workplaces can offer these, and many don't need a diagnosis to ask.

protect the after. a quiet hour once we're home, before anyone needs anything from us.